Experienced bastard Mick "Bigger bastard
than Mick Wadsworth" Wadsworth has been made Director of Fooking
It All UP at Jock First Division lot Grotna.
The 55-year-old has been sacked for being shite from Scarborough, Colchester,
Huddersfield, Oldham and Portuguese side Beira-Mar.
He was a match observer for the England national team from 1988-1992 and
also has international experience of being sacked for being shite at St.
Kitts & Nevis and DR Congo. Grotna manager Rowan Atkinson said: "I'm
delighted to have a bastard of so much experience and expertise on board,
until we sack him for being shite."
"I'll be using my experience to help in all areas of the club,"
Wanksworth told the shitenews.com.
"From the youth programme through to the first team, I'll be ballsing
it up bigtime so I can trouser an enormous payoff when they sack me for
being shite.
"I've been in discussions with the club for a long time to shape
a role that is most beneficial to the club.
"I'll help move Gretna FC forward to bigger and better things, eg
the Highland League."
Defender Jorge Andrade
admittedPortugal were still coming to terms
with the shock of Mick "Bigger Bastard Than Mick Wadsworth" Wadsworth
arriving in Portugal, which caused their shock defeat by the Bubbles.
Andrade said: "There was a lot of pressure on us because of that bastard
arriving but we still felt we were capable of winning and putting on a show.
But how can we concentrate knowing that that bastard is around?
Andrade's views were echoed by team-mate Nuno Gomes, who said: "We
did not need this bastard in Portugal, he has sapped the morale of the nation.
"It was adifficult moment for us because there was a lot of expectation,
and we were determined not to let our supporters down.
"The Bubbles scored from their only chance on target, which we could
have prevented if we hadn't had that useless bastard to worry about, and
we should have been more aware of this. That bastard Wadsworth made everything
more difficult for us. Portuguese football can never recover until we have
hounded the fooker out of the country."
Enormous Bastard
Gets Beira Mar Job - Mick "Bigger Bastard Than Mick Wadsworth"
Wadsworth has been appointed as the new coach of Portuguese top-flight club
Beira Mar.
Wadsworth has coached Scarborough, Carlisle, Oldham, Southampton, Huddersfield
and the Democratic Republic of Congo national side, and won fook all with
any of them.
Beira Mar president Mano Nunes, in remarks mainly made up by us, said: "We
have finished a cycle and we want to start a new one.
"We want a new philosophy at the club, that of being total shite, spending
money on clapped out shite lower league English players, and having a reputation
for employing utter bastards. Thus Mick is the ideal candidate. And a coach
that wanks 12, 14 or 16 hours a day and not a part-time coach.
"And the new coach has been contracted with that in mind."
Wadsworth, who also had a spell as Sir Gobby Bobson's assistant manager
at the South Jocks, where he won fook all, succeeds Antonio Sousa, the well
known American composer, at the helm of the club. Beira Mar are 11th in
the 18-team division and thus well placed for a catastrophic collapse to
relegation next term.
Wadsworth told shitenews.com "Fooking cracking, you'd have thought
these sardine munching coonts would have heard what a useless bastard I
am but no. You should see the size of the pay off they'll be giving me come
Christmas when I get sacked for being shite. Again."
DR Congo Slide "All
Mick's Fault" - The latest Fifa Rankings
have revealed that the DR Congo has slid down to joint 61st, equal with
Kraut coont Bertie Vogts' Jocks. A Fifa spokesman told shitenews.com, ''
It is a great shame when a once great footballing nation slide down the
rankings like this, and end up in joint 61st with some obscure shitehole
like the Jocks. But now that coont Wadsworth's gone, we are all sure that
the D.R. Congo will be back.''
D.R. Congo were of course managed by football's biggest bastard, Mick 'bigger
bastard then Mick Wadsworth’ Wadsworth, until his recent sacking for
being total shite. DR Congo lost all three games under his management at
this year’s African Nations' Cup. Prior to his spell in Africa, Wadsworth
was sacked by Huddersfield Town, also for being shite, and also from Oldham
for being a useless coont
.Meanwhile, Mr Wadsworth's Agent, Jelly Mucas, denied reports that the useless
coont could seen selling the Big Issue outside various non-league football
grounds, whilst mumbling to any fooker that would listen that he used to
be a top International football manager.
Enormous Bastard Sacked
Again - Mick "Bigger Bastard Than Mick
Wadsworth" Wadsworth's spell in charge as coach of DR Congo ended on
Monday after he was sacked for being shite. DR Congo finished Group A with
not a sausage after every game they played under Wadsworth's charge ended
in defeat. Andy Nfutila (you couldn't make this stuff up), assistant to
Wadsworth, said that the entire technical staff had also been suspended.
Wadsworth, who managed Huddersfield until he was sacked for being shite,
took charge of DR Congo last November. Mr Wadsworth is believed to have
tried his luck in DR Congo as in contained the last few people in the world
who were not aware what an enormous bastard he is, or that he is shite.
Mr Wadsworth's agent Nelly Lucozade told shitenews.com "We have high
hopes of landing a position in South America, as there's a tribe in the
Peruvian rainforest who haven't heard of the bastard yet."
Wadsworth
- "What A Total Twat" - In a shock development, shitenews.com
has discovered that some fat geezer from Huddersfield thinks Mick "Bigger
Bastard Than Mick Wadsworth" Wadsworth is a bastard. To read more on
this shock story, clicl THIS LINK
for Micks old site.
YOOFA CUP DRAW
Group A
AZ Alkmaar
Zenit St Petersburg SHITE SCOUSERS
Nuremburg
Larissa
Group B
Panathinaikos
Lokomotiv Moscow
Atletico Madrid
Copenhagen SOME JOCKS
Group C
All foreign shite
Group D
All foreign shite
Group E
All foreign shite
Group F
Krautischer Shitenteamen YONNERS
Braga
Red Star Belgrade
Aris Thessaloniki
Group G
Anderlecht SPURTS
Getafe
Hapoel Tel-Aviv
Aalborg
Group H
All foreign shite
spread the shite
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